tonight i realized i have influence. Not cause i saw it... i see it sometimes and i realize it then but that didn't happen tonight. Not cause i read in the bible how paul tells people to do like he does... follow his example who follows christ' example and that i should have people following me as i follow christ's example. Not because i'm a high school leader and i realize that my desire is that my life will influence people and maybe, just maybe it does. No, i realize i have influence because someone told me. someone who i love and admire told me she respects me and that i have influenced her life. Not only that but "Christina do you know how many girls look up to you?" i said maybe three. she shook her head.
i'm not very confident about myself or any of my abilities or talents. I know i'm able to do good things but never good enough. i know that i'm gifted only by the grace of god. I know that i 'm lacking in ability to accept a compliment. i do the " ahhh ya know whatever" thing. I know that god created us to do great things... myself included.
i had a good conversation with a friend a few months ago. He was wondering how anyone ever lives up to the standards that people place on you. i think i first said i dont know cause i didn't. I didn't know cause i've never felt like i've been in a position to be of any type of large influence or even in a position where someone's standards would exceed my abilities. Later i think i might have said something about just being you. Just be.
so tonight i'm troubled. I dont think i'll sleep so great tonight. Just be. I mean it should be simple right? am i simplifying too much? Do i live for people or for god? am i all things to all people? Just be. i dont think it's so simple.
4 comments:
you definatley do have influnce. girls definatly look up to you and admire you.
*dust*...
Jesus believed you were good enough. He thinks you can do what He did. He loves you.
thats all i have for you right now, and also i value our friendship more than you know.
christina, you've been the single greatest influence on me this year.
it's unfair, it really is. nobody's got things all figured out, but people are watching us anyway as if we had. they can't help it either.
but i don't think realizing it has to change anything. i think part of what makes people admire you is because you're just you.
so maybe it is that simple.
buch, you ooze influence and you always have. It's a joy to sit back and watch it and experience God through you. thanks for influencing me.
you are an awesome influence to me- i think you are so awesome!
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