i've been going through a war these last few weeks. I decided to give some stuff up for lent and well... it's been hard. Not super hard but hard enough. Even before lent, i told myself i wasn't gonna buy anything for myself until africa. (by the way, we bought our tickets for africa and we're leaving on June 5th!!!) I decided i didn't need anything before africa cause i already have too much. Today, i threw that rule out the window. I bought myself some Sperry Top-Siders. They're these wierd boat shoes that dont scuff up boat decks and are great to keep your feet dry when you're walking on boats. These shoes would be amazing if i walked on boats often or thought i was going to be getting my feet wet everyday. I'm not. They were on just on sale... and bright orange. But it doesn't matter when i dont need them.
Since i can remember, i've felt guilt about almost every single purchase i make. It's always impossible for me to ever justify spending any kind of money on myself. This seems funny because i can go on these crazy shopping binges guilt and all. You would think that guilt would make me return the stuff or give it away or something. Nope. i just hoard more crap. Store it up so that i can use it once a year. It's gross i know. We all do it... which makes it even grosser. Some people tell me i shouldn't feel guilty about every purchase i make. Some probably think i shouldn't buy as much as i do. As for me, i'm always caught in the middle. Torn between a world that doesn't own even one pair of decent shoes and a world that tells me "i deserve it." I dont know if my soul will ever be a peace with buying things for myself... i also dont know how much "i deserve it" when there's people who deserve it so much more.
So i might keep my shoes, i might not.
3 comments:
boat shoes-cool
africa-even cooler!
don't worry- i have problems with the whole "what to buy" thing too.
btw I think you are awesome. I missed you at ph on wed
You should know that you've been an amazing example of what it means to put others before yourself... I don't completely understand your struggles but I want to remind you that your loved. Even God wants you to see and love yourself the way that he does... Know that he is pleased with you and wants to you to receive gifts. Please wear those goofy boat shoes with a smile and remember who blessed you with the money to buy you those kicks. Enjoy, enjoy... enjoy! if you don't... you might as well give them away... no gift should ever make you feel guilty... Maybe we need to take your dad's boat and go fishin'.
ofa atu.
The Lord not only wants to lavash us with the things we need but the things we want as well! He has a banquet table set before us and He says, "EAT it ALL" but don't forget, He has desserts for afterwards. Do you think we need desserts? NO WAY!! LoL. But The Lord still provides us with ICE CREAM CONES!! Hehe. Do not feel guilty, just know that not everything you get you need, but it is the LORD"S PLEASURE to GIVE YOU and PROVIDE for you what YOU WANT! hehe. Love you girl!
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