.: the triannual blurb :.

2009-07-22T19:32:00.000-07:00

During our last week and a half, Melissa and I came across a super cute bar with a fantastic happy hour and volleyball court. We ended up spending almost every night from there on our playing volleyball with a bunch of the locals and some of our friends from the clinic. Here's the view from the court.
This is Dr. Raymond. He basically runs the clinic. He's born and bread on the rock, as they say, and his people love him.

Melissa and I were the only twovolunteers allowed to give our medications. It was mostly because of our knowledge of pharmocology and our ability to explain the medications to the patients in either english or spanish. Medication compliance is one of the biggest issues at the clinic because when people don't understand with their medication is for, or how important it actually is, they stop taking it and end up back at the clinic.

One of our favorite days/ nights on the island, we headed out to a hotel called Land's End. It has a sort of infinity pool and is surrounded by lava rock. We had some good sunset chats there.

Here's some pictures of the beautiful people we go to meet and squeeze and hug while we triaged patients last week. We spent a lot of time with the little kids cause we didn't want to let them leave. Some didn't want to leave while others, like the one Melissa is measuring, couldn't wait to get outa there.

This poor boy had a fever. It took all his strength to muster up a smile for the picture.

2009-07-06T12:06:00.000-07:00

Since the last time I posted, weve experienced many new exciting adventures. Heres some pictures to help document our travels.

Heres a picture of Dr. Raphael seeing one of my favorite patients of the day. The little girl was seeing the doctor because of an infection she had on her knee. She also had a small rash and cough. Many of the pediatric patients here come in with a cough or cold but weve had some scabies, chicken pox and today we had a boy who got kicked in the face by a horse. He had to have a tooth extracted by the dentists who happened to get here today.
Heres the hall of the clinic. Once the patients walk in the go to the first room on the right so we can check all their vital signs. I was able to be in the triage room all last week and Im doing it again this week. This is probably my favorite place to be so far because you get to see every patient at least once and its been a great place to practice some nursing skills. I also love that i get to hold and snuggle with some of the babies. Today we had a 20 day old little boy who was a little jaundiced who I couldnt stop starting at. The first little girl we saw escaped from her mom after we sent them back into the waiting room and ran to me so I could hold her. She was incredible.

Heres Melissa in the pharmacy. Most of the medications here are donated by the volunteers that come. Some of them are bought from some European country. 50% of the people walking through the door are here for a simple medication refill but still wait for quite some time to see a doctor. High blood pressure and Diabetes are the two biggies with the middle aged population and if you{ve ever tasted the food on the island youd understand why. Theres a ton of salt and sugar in EVERYTHING. According to one of the doctors here, Honduras has claimed that Coke is one of the five essential foods to the Honduran diet along with rice, beans, wheat, and something else I cant rememeber. Crazy huh.

Here we are getting ready to zipline through the jungle. This was amazing! We all made it safely through the jungle, over the river twice and even ate some termites along the way. They taste like carrots. No lie.

The Lago de Yojoa is beautiful. We rented a boat to row along the river and we got a small boy and a boat. What a deal! He was about the size of my thigh and sweat the whole time. We gave him a big tip after we were all done and he just about lost it. I think he´s good to buy ice cream for the rest of his life.
Spelunking is one of my new favorite things. This journey was intense, dark, hot sweaty and amazing.
When we were in Copan, something bit me and I developed an allergic reaction to it. I was itchy and red for days. I tried going to a natural healer and all she gave me was soap so I ended up going to a dermatologist a few days later. I ended up spending $70 for a consult and six medications. An unexpected cost but well worth it in the end.
In Copan they have small Tuk Tuks. Same as the ones in Thailand. We fit all five of us plus the driver in one cramped space. We also almost tipped it over.
That´s mostly it. Hopefully soon I can post some pictures of our new place. It´s incredible with some good ocean views.

The political tensions are rising over here but the island seems safer than the mainland so they keep telling us not to worry. Keep praying for us though. I can´t seem to kick a cold I got while in the clinic and every few days we still feel like we ate something bad. We are finally setttling into a groove over here and know almost everyone on the island ... or so it seems.

Thank you for your prayers.

love.

Before Roatan...

2009-06-25T17:02:00.000-07:00

We´ve finally arrived in Roatan after days in the crazy jungle. I mean really. The jungle has been kinda crazy.

I developed an alergic reaction to something that bit me in the Copan Ruins which has caused much chaos and thre different ¨doctors¨ to deal with. I´ll hopefully post pictures soon cause no words can explain the ugly that grew all over my body.

I´ll keep this short and besides the above, the last few days have been a blast!

We´ve
- spelunked 600 meters into a cave in pitch black with only baby flashlights guiding the way
- rowboated through lake yojoa´s via 12 year old super cute little boy
- intentionaly dehydrated ourselves to ride on a bus for hours and hours
- ziplined through jungle at possibly hundereds of feet in the air.
- eaten termites.... they taste frighteningly similar to carrots.
- found the most amazing 2 root apartment for the next couple of nights with an incredible view, kitchen, deck and hammock.

Wé´re basicaly living the dream right now wishing all our closest family and friends could join.
Hopefully some pictures are to come to document the beauty of this trip!

Until then...

honduras

2009-06-20T17:28:00.000-07:00

We're here...ahhhhh.

So glad to finally be in Honduras after months of dreaming about it all. We met up with Bekah and Cynthia after waiting for a few hours at the airport in the hot hot heat. We took a 3 1/2 hour bus ride from San Pedro Sula to Copan earlier today and were able to spend all of today exploring this quaint beuatiful town. In the rain. We recently went on an exploratory walk and lost our way on the way back while trudging through muddy roads. A Tuk Tuk (famous in southeast asia and freaking awesome) came by and we got a ride back to town on their super dodgy streets.

Tomorrow we're headed to the runis early in the morning and then bussing it to Lago de Yojoa for a few days. There's a microbrewery there with supposed great burgers, unique beers and bird watching? It should make for some good relaxing time if I could get these damn mosquitos to stop biting me. Vitamin B1 and Lemon Eucalyptus oil are no match for the hungry mosquito. Bummer.

Love you all. I'll hopefully be back soon!

survival international

2008-10-14T17:29:00.000-07:00

I really love survival international. They were some of the first to open my eyes to the human cost of a diamond.

I'm also excited that tonight I will be blessed enough to go watch Brett Dennen perform a concert at his house in Santa Monica ... I know right?

2008-08-01T15:44:00.000-07:00

Since I haven´t been the best about posting pictures, I figured I would make up for it by posting a bunch of super key important ones... here we go
I´m gonna start at the mountain school...

Buster welcomed us into our new home at the mountains.

Here´s me... in my familys kitchen... trying to make tortillas.... In other words, I´m tortillando (one of my teachers told me that in Chile, to tortillar is a bad word. I´m not so sure about it... can someone help me out here. Preferably my family)

The finished product. Not so bad. Also, not so round and a little too fat but it was my first one, what do you expect.
Wednesday nights is noche cultural. Basically a bunch of kids from the community running around in a room playing games. I have a story for this picture but... well, it´s kinda wierd. Ask me and I´´ll tell you. Also, the little kid in the red is flipping the camera off. Kinda funny if you ask me.

Here´s my host family in the mountains. Here we have Lili (10) Piedad (76) Adeliada (?) y Evelyn (7). My first day there I was talking to Lili about her age and birthday and stuff. She mentioned that they don´t celebrate their birthday because they don´t actually have money to buy cakes or pinatas or anything. She then told me that one year, a student brought her family some chocolate cake for her birthday and so she was able to celebrate. The school tells us not to give material gifts to these families because it causes a lot of jealousy in the community. they said that if you want to give a gift to your family to give something that will dissapear, like food. On thursday I went into town to buy a cake for the family. When I arrived, they were thrilled. They tried to make me eat some cake but I couldn´t do it. The next day, they were still thanking me and they told me that instead of eating dinner that night, they had a chocolate cake! I love it. Mom, I figuered you´d love it too...
Here´s my teacher Eunice. Shes little, beautiful, wise and brave. We had some really good heart to hearts in spanish over coffee in a hut. Really, that makes us BFF.
Here´s one of the huts I studied in.

Here´s the toilet that they use to make fertilizer for the medicinal herb garden. The pot on the second toilet is filled with chalk, it helps keep the latrine from smelling bad... and it works. I did my best to contribute to the fertilizer as often as I could. I think they´re stocked up for a while now.
A cute little old man on the side of the road. He would get tired and sit for hours... Santo Lopez... i love him.

Basically, the Guatemalan women here are incredible for a few reasons. One of them being, this woman is basically wearing jellys, with a stack of wood over 100 pounds heavy on her back being supported by her neck with a forehead strap. Oh and the road she´s walking is further than a mile long and starts off as super uneven cobblestone. crazy! On our way to buy the chocolate cake... in our taxi/ pickup truck.

Our very first superchivos game... yay superchivos! Super chivo and grandson mini chivo.

My host family , Alejandro and Blanca Perez. They were such a great host family to stay with, we laughed a lot, they (alejandro) told really not funny jukes... and while somethings could have been lost in translation, i don´t think that was the case.

Here´s Blanca and Alejandros nietas. Melanie on the left and Emily on the right. Emily turned one last wednesday... and I´m missing her pinata this coming weekend. Both girls are so freaking beautiful and Melanie is a little spanish firecraker. Saying ¡no hombre! and other things that I always thought were bad words... I guess they aren´t.

Here´s Erin learning how to shake her caderas. We had a free salsa lessons at the school and you know we were all there trying to learn some O.G. salsa.

Here´s our friend Fedelma. We went out dancing one night and unfortunatley all we got was crazy ranchero music. Don´´t worry, the next night was all salsa (and a little YMCA.... not too sure why but it seems to be a big hit at ¨La Rumba¨here in Xela.)

Mi maestro Estuardo. He took us to a SuperChivos Futbol game and watched us yell things that... I´m pretty sure are foul and vulgur. Okay fine, I know they are but it was still loads of fun. We also spent some of our school days telling jokes and laughing on the roof with Ruth and Milton (her maestro).
the view from the roof of the school.

Fuentes Georginas... look at her pose ladies and gents!

Ok the end. Miss you all and we´ll be seeing you soon! ... Too soon I´m afraid.

i am still alive. sorry

2008-07-30T14:11:00.000-07:00

Things here have been awfully crazy and I know I've been a bad blogger. We've arrived here at the mountain school...aka the most beautiful place I've been to in Guate. I'm also not as organized as Ruth and forgot the cord to hook úp to the computer so I can post some pics. (so lame... i know)

Basically, we took a one and a half hour bus ride up the mountains towards the coast through the forest/jungle. Once we arrived, there was more green than I've ever seen... ever. Our first day here was lots of sun and exploring and walking around. Yesterday though, I sat in a thatched hut (also the place where we have our one on one spanish lessons with our teachers during the day) and read a book. In an instant, we found ourselves in a tropical storm. THE loudest thunder THE brightest lightning and THE hardest rainfall. AWESOME! It was perfect temperature, not too hot and sticky and not too cold. I'm pretty sure somewhere in there the lightning hit the school too. It lasted all afternoon and I just couldn't get enough.

I'm fairly sure this school was made for people like me. That is, the captain planet type. They have an outdoor toilet where they collect poop and make fertilizer with it. I{m thinking this is a good idea for good old 1317. Any takers? There's a chuk? a traditional mayan hot(ish) steam bath type thing... anyways erin and I did it yesterday and even though i took a shower today, i still smell like i spent the night INSIDE a campfire. There's a bunch of banana trees on campus, tons of chickens running wild (no i haven't squished any of them) and a medicinal herb garden also super awesome. The first day here they had a guy, Jorge, come and talk to us about his experience and training as a natural health promoter in the communityHe also gave us some recipes for some natural teas he makes for a lot of the students here. So if anyone has the -reah or ameobas, i got you covered.

My teacher is a 23 year old mother of two. Her name is Eunice Maria Merceded. She has a daughter whos name is Fernanda (3), and a son who's name is... you guessed it Fernando(1). I love it. No really... I love her. She's this super strong feminist who's working to try and do the Vagina Monolouges here in this super small rural farm town. I love it. She's also probably one of the best teachers I've had here.

Tonight we're having Noche Cultural and you guessed it, we're the "cultural." Who knows what's gonna go down tonight. I think we just sit and play with a bunch of the kids that live in this community. My family was telling me how much help the students are here. That sounded kinda funny to me because all we do is eat with them. We don't help them cook or clean or anything. She told me that because 75% of this community is unemployed, the students bring in a lot of extra income. She also told me they eat a lot better and a lot more when there's students staying with them. When it's just the family (which in my case is a single mother, 10 year old, 6 year old and the mother's parents.... the mom is the only one who works and it's only a few days a week, the grandpa is 75+ and everyday he has to take a pickup into town to try and find work which is really hard to find so he has to wake up at about 4am) all they eat is beans and tortillas for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Crazy.

Thats all for now... I should head back to town before heaven's faucet opens on us while we're on the back of a pickup truck. ... which around here is a taxi.

Maria Tuilia

2008-07-19T12:34:00.001-07:00

So very much has happened and since it´s my day off today, I thought I´d take some time to let you know a little about what´s been going on.

First of all... I told you about my teacher Maria, she´s amazing! I love love love her. More than just a spanish teacher she has told me some incredible stories about her time ¨fighting¨ in the war. There´s a couple stories she told me yesterday that brought me to tears and oh how I could explain to you how beautiful this woman is because of all she´s had to fight through. I´ll give you a quick version of one of her stories because, well, I´m not that great of a writer (she is and I told her she needs to write a book... she´s gonna) and because I think it might take me forever.

During the war she slowly was working at a Catholic school as a teacher. One of the preists that also worked at the school started telling Maria and her friend that they should start reading the daily paper to be better informed about what was going on with their country and with the war. They did. After learning more about the war and what was going on in Guatemala, they asked the preist what they could do to be not only informed, but involved. He gave them some small easy jobs. Jobs like watching for the governments military our in the streets to see where they were going, and how many of them there were. After some time, they wanted to do more. The preist was a part of a guerilla movement called ORPA (Organization of People in Arms). I´ll jump a little more forward here... the more she got involved, the more she wanted to do. At this point she´s 27 years old and ORPA has just offered her an opportunity to be a nurse. She had never be trained in anything other than being a teacher so this was a huge decision for her to make. They offered her a car and because one of her dreams had been to own and drive a car, she said yes. (how awesome is that!)

Her very first ¨mission¨ was to go pick up a wounded soldier in the guatemalan mountains. The house they gave her was in Mexico because they didn´t want to risk being in Guate for their own safety. The house was, I think, in Chiapas Mexico. Orpa gave her a husband too...well not really but kinda. She moved in with a guy/pretend husband named David who had also recently joined the movement. On the way to her first mission, she had a car in front and one in back, both with Guatemalan preists who were like her security. Once she got up to the top of the mountain where the soldier was to be waiting for her, she saw him. He was a mess. His face was completley disfigured, two of his fingers had been blown off and he had shards of bomb lodged into his face. He could still walk but his hand had a horrible infection. His left arm had been amputated previously, she thinks with a swiss army knife in the mountains and now his right hand was missing his pointer finger and ring finger and part of his palm.

His name is Pedrito. For the 15 days after the bomb explosion, he lived under a coffee plant in hiding. He had very little food, if any at all, and a severe infection in his hand. His fellow soldiers couldn´t take him out of the front lines because it was too dangerous so they waited until the fighting settled a bit before they got him help. 15 days. During the explosion, his left eye had been blown off and his right eye became blind too.

Maria took him and changed his clothes so he could be a little cleaner and less obvious when they crossed back over the border. He looked like death she said but his spirit was incredibly hopeful. After putting him in the car, she drove back to her house to start treating his wounds. Luckily the guards at the border let her pass without question and she arrived home. Once inside, she stuck him in the bath and cleaned him up. His hand was the worst of it. He had pus and a bunch of maggots there living in his wound. After cleaning out his wound, she called a friend to find out how to get the maggots out. Apparantley, boiling some water with basil in it and then putting it on your maggot infested wound makes them scurry off.

Eventually they got him food, antibiotics, and prostetic devices for his arm and hand. He lives in Mexico City now with a group of blind people. Maria says that he kinda fell in love with her during the time she took care of him. During that time he would ask her what she looked like and they would spend lots of time together, especially during meals when she had to feed him. She never had feelings for him so it never really worked out.

I guess what I find so great about this story is that she was never trained to do anything. She had no supplies and no training but it seems like she did everything perfectly. (from a nursing student´s standpoint that is) He would have suffered without her help yet her hours and hours of time and care got him back to a place of functionality and life. Eventually she got some medication and some supplies and a little bit of training but for the most part, everything was on the spot, think for yourself kinda stuff. Seems to me she did okay.

She has told me some other stories too. Stories of amputations in her house, getting arrested and tortured by the mexican police. Stories of running an underground radio station. Stories of being dropped off in Cuba after being beaten. Stories of being awesome.

Listening to some of her stories, I asked her if she was scared (like before she was stripped naked and tortured). She said no. I said yeah right. She said well... I´ve studied psychology so I know that fear is man made and your fear only had as much power as you give it. Who says that? Maria Tuilia.

Mi primer dia de classe...que bien

2008-07-14T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day of class. So good. We started out with some history of Guatemala and how Xela, the city we´re in, was highly active in the recent civil war. We were told that one of the purposes of the school 20 years ago was to raise money for the families of two students who were drug out into the streets, tortured and murdered. The income from the school was to pay for lawyers and help support the families. Since then the school has had a hang in many of the social justice issues of Xela and Guatemala. Right now they work with an after school program for children, reforestation up in the mountains, the one and only local women´s shelter, and with different indigenous people here securing their rights.

After a brief overview we met our teachers. Aparently, my teacher is one of the best in the school and kinda badass. She fought as a guerilla in the civil war for 25 years, helped out during the war as a nurse and is barely 5´foot tall. She also might be the cutest thing I´ve ever seen. I can´t ever look at her and think she ever fought in any war. I´ll tell you more about her once I find out more.

I got hooked up with my family on Sunday afternoon. An older couple with12 grandchildren. Two live down the street and met up with us for some lunch. They little one, Emily, is almost one and the older girl, Melani, is 6. We played some bingo today after lunch but she called it loteria like lottery. We had some amazing noodle chicken soupy thing that tasted like gormet top ramen with veggies. So good!

My week looks awfully packed with some incredible trips (like the one to the midwifery in a rural village and the one to the largest market in Central America) and a lot of studying. Looks like I´m going to be learning a lot here especially regarding the social issues facing the Guatemaltecas. It´s so good to be around people passionate about learning more than just the language but the culture as well.

Here´s a picture from one of the streets here in Xela. We were looking for a used book store but we found a good photo op.

Here´s a graffiti stencil from one of the polictal patries running here in Guate. I don´t think this is the good one but I should find out.

I can´t figure out how to arrange my photos so here´s a cool building and my bedroom. oh and Erin finally got here too... los tres amigas!

2008-07-12T11:22:00.001-07:00

I´m here.
After a gruelling long day of traveling, I´ve finally made it here. I made friends with the woman travelling with me on the bus so she gave me a ride to the school. By made friends, I mean she talked a lot while I smilled and nodded my head. She told me all about her kids, husband going in for surgery, friends she has in Boston, and how to make dulces. It was good practice for me as I listened to her speak with an accent different than I´m used to. When I finally arrived at the school it was pitch black and looked like we were in a dark sketchy alley. Turns out, all the streets in Xela look dark and sketchy and like alleys at night. They aren´t, but they look it.

Ruth and I spent the day walking around Xela today. Breakfast at a small cafe over looking the Central Park then off to but some probiotic yogurt and a cell phone. No trip is complete without a cell phone.

So far it looks like our weeks will be filled with lots of viajes and mercados, trips and shopping. I´m also looking forward to some good eats. That´s it for now. Ruth is kinda blogging for the both of us so check out her blog for some good pics.

Also... mom I want you to know that we´re talking to eachother in spanish about 75% of the time. It´ll get better once we´re not so frustrated looking for the right words and know more vocab. Love you all... adios

ahh Mexico City

2008-07-11T04:05:00.000-07:00

After a three hour flight, I arrived in Mexico City. I slept next to a limo driver from Oakland. He claims to have driven around "50 cents." It was hard not to laugh at that. I think I missed the dinner they served. I figured sleep was more mportant. After my 7 hour layover here, I still have a two hour flight to Guatemala City 4 hour bus ride. Long day ahead of me with only 3ish hours of sleep.

On a positive note, my backpack is breaking. I bought one of those travel pillows that you wear around your neck but it´s super bulky. I had it in my backpack for a while until it started ripping my zipper at the seams. Whoops. It´s still dark outside here (6am) so I don´t think I´ll be leaving to find a mochilla but hopefully can find one here in this ginormous airport. If not I may be pressed to buy a Nacho Libre wrestling mask and use it as a patch. They have enough here to sew a whole new backpack and I have the time to do it... we´ll see what happens.

By the way, while I´ve been at this internet cafe, I´ve heard almost every 90´s blockbuster hit theme song. For example, Don´t Wanna Miss a Thang by Aerosmith, Celine Dions Titanic theme song, ... that´s enough for me. The best part is that of the five people, including me, in here, four of them are singing along. Can you guess who isn´t?

Okay. I´m all done. I should go look for a backpack so all of my belongings don´t spontaneously drop onto the floor...which would be hilarious. Now Sweet Child of Mine is on so I might have to stay a bit longer.

maatiam

2008-05-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

I just found this website that makes donations to the nonprofit of your choice with every online purchase you make. (if the company is participating)

I think it's crazy. It's like the (RED) campaign but better cause you don't have to shop at GAP.

The only purchases I make these days are for cheap text books but... I can use that website for them too. They take a cut from the donation which is understandable. Otherwise, it seems legit.

So if you're shopping online and feeling bad about your purchase, go through this website and maybe you'll feel a little better cause you're giving to a nonprofit at the same time.

maatiam

I feel like I don't know of many non-profits to give to. Maybe you can comment with some of the ones you support.

Here's my very short list.

Rise Up Inc. (Bend OR)

Kiva Microfund

Africa Aid

Venice Family Health Clinic

World Vision

Habitat for Humanity

i really like this

2008-04-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

"It is our routines and our comforts that allow us to ignore social issues. For some of us, it is our privilege to be ignorant. This video tells the story of social issues challenging our privileges and entering our routines making them impossible to ignore. Social injustice cannot be ignored when you are forced to deal with them. That is the idea behind this video.

What would happen if you were forced to deal with something that you may think has nothing to do with you? If suddenly the world's problems came into your
own home? You would have to realize that you are connected to everything and everyone one earth." -brett dennen

love it

2008-03-21T18:09:00.001-07:00

It's official. I love nursing school. My first clinical has been at a Catholic all women nursing home. A lot of the women that stay there are nuns and the other's are always giving praise to God.

At first, it was the most frightening thing ever to introduce yourself to a complete stranger and then two seconds later, you're taking their clothes off to start bathing them. They trust you. Completely. I'm not even sure I'm worthy of the trust they give me. It's my first time doing any of this. How can they trust me? My first patient was completely dependent. Couldn't even eat so she had a tube coming out of her stomach that feeds her. My second patient swore and was very hard of hearing. She was a riot. This week I worked with a woman that has Alzheimer's, dementia, and Parkinson's. She's an artist. She's beautiful. I gave her a coloring book so she could color a bit while I was doing other stuff. When I came back to check on her, I realized she could color better with a tremor in her hand than I ever could with a steady hand.

I've cleaned these ladies butts, washed their bodies, cracked jokes they don't really get, broken up an almost fight, and picked out 95 year old clothes and yet my favorite part has been with a woman who doesn't speak. At 12 they get their lunch. We sit with the ones who maybe can't feed themselves or don't want to eat. I sat with a nun. She's sleeping most of the time with her eyes closed and no real muscle strength to do anything for herself. She stirred a bit as I sat next to her but still had her eyes closed. As I placed food near her lips she would smell it and open up her mouth to receive it. I feed her lunch for about an hour and she was still then she was only half way done. She would fall asleep in the middle of it so it was hard to keep a good rhythm. As I sat and fed her I thought about all the good she had to have done in her convent. I couldn't imagine the stories she could tell me about the children she worked with and the people she got to love. I dreamed about the life that she had lived and quickly became sad at how she had no family to visit and love her in her most vulnerable state. I guess I just felt honored that I could serve a woman that spent her whole life serving. It was kinda amazing to be needed.

I hope everyone could feel needed like that at least once.

2008-02-27T22:07:00.000-08:00

It's a rare treat but I have a few minutes before I hit the sack and so much has happened.

school... amazing. super difficult but amazing. Tomorrow morning I have orientation at the nursing home where we'll be learning the basics. Vitals, butt washing, and diaper changing on people larger than 20 lbs. and older than I can imagine. I'll be working at a nursing home for old retired nuns. I'm so excited to hang out with nuns. I mean really how often do you get the opportunity to serve someone who spent their whole lives serving everyone else?

When I started school, I thought that nursing would basically be everything we have already learned in the last two weeks. Now I'm figuring, what do they have to teach us, we know everything we should know. I'm in for a treat! Had my first midterm yesterday (two weeks into nursing school they give you a midterm, crazy) got 92%. Hope we can keep this business up.

my new macbook air... I don't even remember life before her. She's a beauty. Super light, easy to use however, doesn't work for 5 real hours but more like 2-3 solid.

risen... I just signed up to be risen's mission advocate. Basically I'll be kind of in the know about what people are doing missionally and helping them out. I think right now more than anything we need a bit of encouragement with our mission dept. I'm excited to hopefully be that person for our community.

food... I'm a vegetarian right now. It's wierd. It's also a little difficult. I figure that if Pamela Anderson can do it, so can I :) . There are many reasons why I've decided to change this about my rhythm of life. Maybe I'll post about it soon.

well kids. that's it for now.

moving forward

2008-01-31T19:49:00.000-08:00

My brand new baby is on it's way to me. My MacBookAir has been shipped out to my apt. and should be arriving sometime next week. I've never had a brand new laptop and this one looks real fragile so I hope I dont break it. I'm pretty sure I'll spend a couple days emersed in it's awesome features and trying to figure it all out. My first new laptop. My first mac. My new love.

I also start school on the 11th. I kinda can't believe it's really happening. I decided to go to SMC which is nearer and much much cheaper. Again, shocked that it's actually happening.

My life is in the midst or renewal. It's painful at times, beautiful at others. Change is usually good so... I'm eating healthier thanks to some good reads, shocking videos and good conversation. I'm moving forward. I'm simplfying my life in hopes I can see some true value in the things I do. I'm attempting to consume less (minus my new laptop). And the hope is, that I will be blogging a bit more regularly. Who knows though. I've made this promise before.

2007-12-17T15:05:00.000-08:00

I've been waiting for almost five years for this and now it's here. I finally got accepted into a nursing program. One and a half actually. You see, I'm the third alternate for Santa Monica City college's program. I'm counting that as a half. I was however, full on accepted into Mount St. Mary's program. I'm torn though. St. Mary's starts mid January and Santa Monica starts mid February. Santa Monica could tell me the day before class starts if I'm in or not. By that time I could be a month into school at St. Mary's paying an arm and a leg and driving an extra 30-45 minutes each way. But... it's a for sure thing. Regardless, I will rejoice because I have waited and been patient, and now I will begin freaking school already. Merry Christmas my friends!

free rice

2007-10-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

kinda cool. makes me feel real dumb though.

free rice!

generous?

2007-10-15T16:22:00.000-07:00

Today I was reminded of how short I really do fall.

I was driving through a parking structure here in Santa Monica and a well dressed foreign man with a slight accent stopped me. Highly apologetic he asked for some money while holding car keys and looking rather lost. He said something about "not enough gas" "I'm stuck" "can you help?" Of course I could help I said. I smiled as I reached into my wallet and gave the man the four dollars I had left in my wallet. I was all I had but I figured it could get him out of the parking structure and to a gas station. Either way, it was all I had. He asked if I was sure and thanked me deeply with a smile. As I drove away happy I've been of help to someone in need, I remember the woman I walked by this morning. She was leaning against a newspaper vending machine with a Starbucks cup in hand and a dirty wrinkled cardboard sign. She wasn't as well dressed as my foreign parking structure friend nor did she smell as good. As I walked by she kinda wiggled her cup at me and I smiled back at her. I didn't give her anything but a good morning smile. Now here's the problem. Why was I generous to a man who's more nicely dressed and asks more politely, and probably has a bunch of money? Why couldn't I have give the four dollars to the woman this morning? Why is it that even when I do give money away it's not in increments of four dollars but maybe one or some spare change? Why don't I always give everything I have instead of only giving away enough to not feel the effects of the sacrifice?

I'm bothered that when I start to think I'm generous, I'm reminded of how short I fall and how insignificant even those four dollars are in the grand scheme. I'm bothered that I have way too much crap that isn't getting used. I'm bothered that I let myself believe that this life is supposed to be comfortable and painless. I'm bothered. I'm bothered that I rarely feel the pain of sacrifice. This week, I'll make sure that I do.

curacao

2007-07-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

we're here.
we finally made it to the island and are totally loving it.
some highlights...
we're staying in this hotel that overlooks a beautiful canal. we've been walking around all day in the hot hot heat sweating like crazy only to be cooled by the intense winds coming from every direction. This is probably the windiest (?) island ever. we ate dinner last night at a place called hooks hut that sits right on the beach. We got to put our feet in the water before dinner and after dinner went to an outdoor club on the beach. it was incredible. today we shopped around for a bathing suit. who forgets a bathing suit when going to a beautiful island? I do. we headed over to the curacao distillery today too... got to taste me some liquor...delish.

aisea's chillin upstairs in the room while my bro and i are looking for somewhere to eat dinner.
tomorrow we're moving to the marriott, the nicest hotel on the island. We'll have our own private beach, snorkling right outside our door and some good ol' AC.

until then... or until i get to another internet cafe.

hope

2007-06-28T01:49:00.000-07:00

i watched the movie "the fountain" with a couple of friends last week and there's a quote from it that i can't quite get out of my head. the movie deals with this guy seeing death as a disease you can cure and goes around trying to fix death and possibly find the fountain of youth in the process. there's a part where the queen is being threatened by an enemy and while trying to encourage her soldier says this (or something close to this cause i can't find the exact quote.)

"the deepest darkest shadows are always threatened by the morning light."

the movie is confusing and maybe a little too intense for me but this quote hit home. I sometimes find it hard to be hopeful in a hopeless world. A world that has maybe forgotten what hope looks like. I guess i just wish to be a part of that morning light bringing hope to a dark yucky nasty world. Sometimes it feels like the darkness is overpowering and might be too much to handle but i know that the beauty in the dark will never be seen if the light never shines.

that's all.. just an awesome quote in a crazy movie that has changed the way i think and the way i see jesus.

my week.

2007-06-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

got my wisdom teeth taken out.
looked like a chipmunk for a week.
forgot what happened this week cause i was drugged up.
hung out a bit with he cobalt season.
got taken care of like a queen by a big strong tongan man.

it was a good week.

goats pigs and fishing lures

2007-05-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

My birthday was this last month.

I hear that when you get old you stop celebrating your birthDAY and start celebrating the whole month long. I like this idea and since 24 is older than I've ever been, I decided this would be my first birthMONTH.

The celebration started on one of the best days I've had while I've been here in Santa Monica. Aisea and I headed to the beach for smores, football and a bon fire with our high school kids. A fabulous time. On our way home Aisea told me we had to hurry. We arrived home to some of my closest friends waiting to give me my birthmonth present. I opened three different envelopes each holding something more meaningful than could ever truely fit in an envelope. The first was a goat, the second a pig and the last was a fishing kit. Each of them were given through World Vision from my friends to a family in another country. As soon as I had realized what they all were, I began crying.

You have to understand something. For the last four years during Christmas or my birthday people ask me what i want. This isn't uncommon because you usually get presents on the day you were born.... or the day (not really) Jesus was born. Well, for the last four year i've been asking for a goat or a pig or a fishing kit or SOMETHING through world vision for a family and not myself. To finally have people in my life who understand that about me and know what's really important to me was incredible. i wept as soon as i realized because i never knew when i would get a gift like that.

anyways. it's good to be heard and hopefully i can do a good of a job at listening to my friends as they did for me. thanks family.

back

2007-05-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

i'm back
it's been a good break but i'm back.

airborne

2006-08-22T06:07:00.000-07:00

we're off. we'll be leaving sydney in a matter of hours. we just got back from watching an opera in the sydney opera house. it was rad. We finished some last minute shopping today and still have the airport for those lastlast minute gifts. we'll be seeing you all soon!!

land

2006-08-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

we're back on solid land. It feels so good. We stayed onboard a boat for four days and three nights scuba diving. It was incredible. We saw some real cool stuff... the picture above is of a cuttlefish. That was probably one of the cooler things. It changes color to camoflauge itself into the enviroment. We also saw a ribbon flatworm swimming, white tip reef sharks, turtles, parrotfish, a ray... and on and on. It was beautiful. We're still rocking a bit like we're on the boat. Walking in a straight line has never been so hard.
We'll be here in Cairns for today and tomorrow and then we're off to Sydney. There's lots and lots to do while we're there so that will be heaps of fun. Hopefully I'll get to update you on that while we're there too... Sorry about the no family pictures in australia corie, when we get home we'll post some i'm sure.

miss you all..
christina

here and safe

2006-08-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

so we're here. we've been here for a while now but thihs is the first chance we've had some extra time. We've been super busy these last few days. We headed out to a wildlife sanctuary for the day and got to do some amazing things. We watched koalas pertched in branches sleep for days... fed kangaroos as they slept on the ground... and fed a dingo out of our hands. It was incredible. After a long day at the sanctuary we walked to a honey factory and a chocolate factory. This chocolate is all hand made and probably some of the best stuff i've ever had in my life.

Yesterday we traveled through the Tamborine mountains and wine tasted. It was fun and we met some pretty interesting people on our voyage. Today has been great so far. We took Surfing lessons from Michael "Munga" Barry today. He's supposedly a great surfer. We all were able to get up and stay up for at least a while. We're off to bake on the beach for a little bit of a calmer day before tomorrow.

Tomorrow we're gonna drive four hours to rainbow beach, a beach were there's all different colors of sand and then take a ferry to fraiser island. Fraiser island is the largest sand island in the world. We'll probably do some 4 wheeling swimming and... napping on the sand.

We leave the Gold coast on saturday and then it's off to Cairns for some scuba... until then mate!!

australia

2006-08-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

I'm headed out to the land down under. I've been there once before so I'm excited to go back and visit. I'm leaving tomorrow with my two older brothers and my dad. We'll be gone for about three weeks and headed to three major cities, Brisbane, Cairns and Sydney. As often as I can, I'll be posting updates of our adventures. We're going to try to do everything from surfing to scuba diving to wine tasting. For right now, I'm gonna try and pack...an adventure in itself.

uganda or bust

2006-03-29T00:33:00.000-08:00

i started a new blog for our africa trip. Soon we'll have some new postings with updated progress of our trip. Please be in prayer for this journey as we fight to balance life and planning and life...

here's the address to our africa site

ugandaorbust.blogspot.com

blessings

boat shoes?

2006-03-24T23:03:00.000-08:00

i've been going through a war these last few weeks. I decided to give some stuff up for lent and well... it's been hard. Not super hard but hard enough. Even before lent, i told myself i wasn't gonna buy anything for myself until africa. (by the way, we bought our tickets for africa and we're leaving on June 5th!!!) I decided i didn't need anything before africa cause i already have too much. Today, i threw that rule out the window. I bought myself some Sperry Top-Siders. They're these wierd boat shoes that dont scuff up boat decks and are great to keep your feet dry when you're walking on boats. These shoes would be amazing if i walked on boats often or thought i was going to be getting my feet wet everyday. I'm not. They were on just on sale... and bright orange. But it doesn't matter when i dont need them.
Since i can remember, i've felt guilt about almost every single purchase i make. It's always impossible for me to ever justify spending any kind of money on myself. This seems funny because i can go on these crazy shopping binges guilt and all. You would think that guilt would make me return the stuff or give it away or something. Nope. i just hoard more crap. Store it up so that i can use it once a year. It's gross i know. We all do it... which makes it even grosser. Some people tell me i shouldn't feel guilty about every purchase i make. Some probably think i shouldn't buy as much as i do. As for me, i'm always caught in the middle. Torn between a world that doesn't own even one pair of decent shoes and a world that tells me "i deserve it." I dont know if my soul will ever be a peace with buying things for myself... i also dont know how much "i deserve it" when there's people who deserve it so much more.
So i might keep my shoes, i might not.

mono

2006-03-12T09:41:00.000-08:00

i have mono. i'm not very excited about it all... my lymph nodes in my neck have been swollen for about a month so i thought my body was just figting some infection. Turns out they were fighting mono. I've never in my life cried when i tried to swollow. I seriously avoid at all costs the need to swollow. They think i have mono AND something else...which explains the ridiculously inflammed tonsils. They are also covered in puss and blood spots. Kinda fascinating while at the same time ... hecka gross.

I guess i just find it funny how God works. Like for a couple of months now there's been some pretty amazing people in my life trying to tell my to slow down. I said i couldn't. I said i had too much to do and too many deadlines. Instead God slows me down a bit with some Mono. By the way, when you have mono, all you really wanna do is sleep and die. Not eat. Not drink. Not play. Not study. Not anything. SLEEP and take advil for your achy body and tonsils. Oh, and sometimes spit.

My work load hasn't lightened.. i'm still super busy but i'm learning how to prioritize. So... fortunatley, sleep has become number one!! yay! Just thought you should know that now, if i dont answer the phone it's cause i'm in bed :)

happy heart day!!

2006-02-14T17:58:00.000-08:00

happy valentines day everyone.
i know i haven't blogged here lately. life has been super stressful.
i'm the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. i'm trying to go to Africa this summer. i'm applying to nursing programs throughout california and possibly arizona. I'm working at a church trying to disciple high school students and teach them how to be followers of jesus. i have an amazing boyfriend who lives way too far away and after spending some good quality time together my heart breaks because i have to leave and not see him for a while again. I have this funny thing with the way my heart beats. the doctors say it's nothing... i sure hope they're right. just watched brokeback mountain... they're good actors those two boys.

i probably wont be posting for a while again. things are crazy.... maybe not even slowing down any time soon either. sorry for being out of touch... i still answer my phone though... well... sometimes i do.

feet

2005-10-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

so i think i'm going to africa. i mean i know ive said it a bunch... but this time i think i'm going. someone asked me what i'm gonna do there. i said... love people. That's kinda broad, but we'll see what that looks like when I get there. I talked to the pastor that's gonna work out some details for me, and he showed me a pamphlet of the clinic i might get to work at. I saw the most beautiful little kids on there. So I dont like feet. But i saw this little boy, and he had clubbed feet. I just wanted to kiss his little feet all over the place because they were the most beautiful feet i have ever seen.

i dont know if this africa thing will happen. I pray it does though. I hope i fight for it with everything in me. there's this song, it's amazing... and it says this

may your heart break enough, that compassion enters in
may your strength all be spent upon the weak...
may your weakness be your only sense of pride...
and when you look upon the broken may mercy show you what you could not see...
may your passions be tried and tested in the holy fire
may you fight with all your life for what is true

be blessed friends... and may you fight hard for what you know is true

cafe'

2005-10-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

a friend of mine told me i should post again. so here goes. Right now i've been wrestling mostly with the idea of fair trade coffee... along with child labor.

my good friend recently got a job at starbucks. Actually, a have a few friends that work at starbucks. Now i started hearing rumors about Starbucks not providing fair trade coffee and so i decided to look up on it. I read that to be fair trade certified, you have to be a small scale coffee grower. Well, starbucks doesn't purchase much from small scale growers because they're so enormous. So if you go into a starbucks you'll only see one out of the 39 different coffees being fair trade. Anwyays, i still am not convinced that starbucks is supportive of paying fair wages for their coffee all around. I mean that's what they advertise... but i just dont really believe it. ALSO...Supposedly each startbucks is supposed to brew fair trade coffee once a week as the coffee of the day. I never see that happening. You're also supposed to have the option of having fair trade coffee even if they aren't brewing it. That means the employee is supposed to french press the coffee for you. According to some website, most of the employees are super annoyed when you do that... so if anyone goes to a starbucks and is just getting coffee, you should ask for it. maybe just for kicks, maybe to see the importance of fair trade coffee within our local coffee shops.

just a bunch of random thoughts i guess.. as soon as i learn more, i'll tell you more. as for now, annoy a starbucks employee by asking for fair trade coffee... support a mom and pop coffee grower trying to get by in columbia... be educated on fair trade coffee.

blessings

life...

2005-10-10T00:13:00.001-07:00

got back from the conference.... still feeling a bit wierd.

the sox lost it in the playoffs.... that was the most stressfull game i've ever watched... and then i was depressed after.

school is still kicking my butt... two tests on thursday... one more on monday.

on a high note.... my best friend just got engaged and we're going wedding dress shopping this saturday.

that's all

good night.

life...

2005-10-10T00:13:00.000-07:00

...

2005-09-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

i'm going away this weekend. i'm going to be filled and refreshed and to let go. i'm going to discover and learn and grow and wrestle. Hopefully my passion doesn't get the best of me... but then again, when it does, life is a bit more exciting. i'm going away to Sacramento to a youth specialties conference. They're gonna teach me how to be a better communicator and teacher and friend. i'm stoked.

also... a friend told me this quote. i guess it's in a nike football commercial or something... but i love it...

"the man who thinks he can, and the man who thinks he can't, are both right. which one are you?"

so i like it and thought i would share it... oh and the red sox are playing the yankees on friday saturday and sunday... GO BOSTON!!!

blah

2005-09-27T13:45:00.000-07:00

you ever been so busy that you're empty? working so hard to get stuff done that you can't focus on one single thing instead your whole life is a big "blah"?

i'm sick. not enough sleep and lots to do gets you real sick. not sure i like it. maybe God's way of telling me to slow down. maybe my body's way of telling me it's mad at me. maybe an excuse to miss my micro lab. that's what it was today. i'm not really excited about it though cause i have a super fun weekend coming up. i dont wanna miss out cause i'm sick. But my usual way of dealing with things like this is the "you'll be fine, you just gotta sweat it out and suck it up and move on" idea. this concept doesn't work so good when your sick.

on a side note. talking about humilty and remembering tomorrow night ... kinda getting excited about it :)

totally out of control

2005-09-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

Are we so great a nation that we should only concider ourselves? Are we so freaking proud that humility doesn't matter? Now, i had quite an interesting weekend. I was with a friend, Chantelle and we were hanging out with some old high school friends. Now old like i haven't seen or talked to them since we graduated and some of them i went to elementary school with. One "old friend" asked me what i was doing with my life. Now... i honestly dont know. But i do know that eventually, some things will happen. So i mentioned one of them. I said, "Well, i'm doing some school stuff so that i can eventually be a nurse and go to africa for a while." A " Not Old friend" (i just met him that night)interrupted with a very sarcastic "Why?" I dont expect people to understand. I dont even fully understand to tell you the truth. God has placed Africa deep in my heart and i cant run from it. Now someone asked me this weekend what i'm passionate about. I said people. That's true. I love people. I adore them. I think i love poor people more though. I think i love the people that are unloved within our american nation. anyways, back to the story. The "not so old" friend then proceeded to tell me that people like africans choose to live that way. They choose to be poor. Now, i've never wanted to punch anyone...untill this night. I didn't know what to do with myself. SO i lost it. My voice rose and i asked him if he would like to be born into a family of five children, only to have your parents die so you cant get an education cause you're taking care of your younger brothers and sisters by working in th fields tyring to grow crops that wont grow cause there's a drought and no fertilizer and america isn't doing much to fix it. I asked him if he's like to be a mother of a family that had her youngest baby so malnourished that you can't even get him to eat anymore so you have to force feed them through a tube in they're nose...only to get that tube and that food you have to walk miles and miles in the blistering sun in order to find a place that will give your baby food so he wont die, meanwhile worrying about your children and if they're safe from the lord's resistance army who really just want to kill or kidnap your children and brainwash them to kill people so they can overthrow the government. He didn't like that so much. He left and went to bed.

i didn't control myself. I wasn't very gentle. He tried to sound like he knew what he was talking about but well... i just dont think he does. He's a super lucky guy that's white and who was born and raised in suberbia america. How would he know what it means to suffer? How would he know what it means to truely be hungry? How do i even know? So i lost it. Sorry everyone. Once again my passion got the best of me. I'm working on it though, really trying to at least.

On a side note, Powerhouse raised $1036 for Niger's famine relief. I love high school students and that they are learning what it means to love and give and sacrifice. Be blessed people.

NIGER

2005-08-18T23:18:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen or heard or cared about Niger, would you? for just a few minutes? But let me warn you. If you look, you might cry. If you see the pain, you might be moved. If you read thecaptions you might just feel the pain and the heat and the brokenness of the people. Beware that your perspective on life might never be the same. But also know that our God tells us to be the voices of those who have no voice... and to act justly... and to love peace. These people have no peace. These people have no voice. Would you please be their voice and fight for their peace?

PICTURES:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/gallery/2005/08/16/GA2005081601299_index_frames.htm?startat=1

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/gallery/2005/07/31/GA2005073100415.html

peace...none of which i have

2005-08-15T21:14:00.000-07:00

it is amazing how many things i can do in a day. I mean, in theory i only need to write a message for wednesday... yes this wednesday... and i've found so many alternative things to do. I"m just so bsy now i have no time to write a message. I mean before i had to write this message my room was clean enough, my nails looked fine, i didn't need to read six books or even watch three different movies. Before i had to write this message life was just chugging along, but now well geez there's people to see and call and be with, there's TV shows to watch and laundry to do and floors to sweep. Before this message everything else was just fine. Now nothing is goo enough and i'll do anything to avoid what i really need (and honestly want) to do. Why? why do i do this to myself. It doesn't make me feel any better. I hate that i put it off. Maybe if God just spoke louder and told me everything he wanted me to say. Yeah, that would make this much easier. But instead if sitting in silence waiting and listening, i sit in my big comfy chair with music blaring, dishes washing in the background ( i even made dinner so i could procrastinate a little more, a miracle i tell you a miracle) my mom watching my big fat greek wedding in the other room (i swear it's calling my name) and food waiting to be eaten in the kitchen. So many distractions and i wonder why i can't hear God. More than a blog, this is my confessional. I'm procrastinating. I'm totally wasting time hoping that at the end of the day i have enough to finish a message. weak sauce. Here i go, i'll try to start working on it again. I'm so sorry if this sounds horrible and like a chore, it's not it's a joy... it's just harder this time. dunno why. here i go...
any thoughts on peace?

Ko Samui

2005-07-19T23:14:00.000-07:00

holy cow. this place is beautiful. i've been in thailand for 6 days and i love it. it's exotic. it's hot. its super cheap. it's been amazing. i've loved every moment. thought i'd update youon my travels.
after a 12 hour flight we took a 4 hour one. then we stayed in bangkok for a night. We shopped around in the morning to find that most of our meals cost us about $10 US for four people. incredible. We took a 12 hour train ride to some city. a quick shuttle... and a 4 hour ferry ride to get ato a beautiful island. ko samui. it's way small. you can ride around it in about 4 hours. ahh. our hotel is well a bunch of baby houses. Maybe like a 15x15 room with an attached bathroom.... oh yeah it's on the beach too. no really. on the beach. amazing. the beaches here and phenominal.
alright so yesterday was snorkling and kayaking and lots of sleep. today is massages for hours. which is where i'm off to. yay. that's all. blessings people. i'll write again soon.

dont let the bed bugs bite

2005-07-14T21:21:00.000-07:00

so the rash isn't really a rash.... well we dont think it is anyway. It's probably bed bug bites. DO you know how gross bed bugs are? yeah really sick. they're big. like tics. and they can live for up to one year without "feeding" sick. They live in a lot of hotels though. i'm not really excited about that part.

anyways. thought you should know that i'm no longer a leper. It's fabulous.

Off to Thailand tomorrow. HYopefully there's no bed bugs there.

the newest love of my life

2005-07-07T19:41:00.000-07:00

So I just got home from a week long vacation of a few hours in Chicago... Four days in New York and ... Three days in Boston. I officially LOVE New York. Not too sure why yet, I just do. I loved walking down time square at three in the morning with hundreds of other people. I loved taking a bike ride through central park only to find a roller skating club skating around. I loved watching a Yankees game on fourth of July. I felt like super American on fourth of July. We sang the national anthem... The first pitches came from a father son duo who both were serving in the war... I ate a Nathan's hot dog from the Yankee stadium... and then I watched a huge fireworks show...All while in new York with a Yankees hat on. Not sure what can make you more "American" on that day.

So I loved new York. Everything about it. Oh wait. While I was there we stayed in a Yankee hotel. It was on the upper west side of Manhattan, We got into our itty bitty room that had three beds and nothing more. We had to share a bathroom with the other people eon our floor. Do you know how gross that can be. Every morning my brother would find hair in the shower that didn't belong to him. Yuck. No one cleaned our room and there was no TV. It was enough, just not what I'm used to. So anyways. No big deal. We laughed about it for the most part. But now I'm home. And I have a wierd rash on my back. I don't like it. I feel like a leper. I feel like I have a big bell hanging around my neck and when people see me they should just yell out "UNCLEAN!" it's probably the suckiest thing ever. I cant scrath it cause then the next thing I touch will be infected with this rash. I called my insurance company cause I was gonna go see a doc.... I don't have insurance cause I dropped a class last semester making me a part time student thus ineligible for health insurance. SUPER! Not so exciting people. Really it's not.

so other than my rash I love NY and everyone should go and love it too! The end.

woman

2005-06-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

i had a really horrible beautiful amazing dissapointing conversation yesterday. i left very upset and never wanting to have a conversation of that sort again. i left inspired so that women never have to have that conversation again. i left knowing that without conversations like that, progress and passion and truth would never be discussed or found.

i'm not a man. i actually refer to myself as a girl... little girl most of the time. i've found beauty in that i'm not a man. Nothing against men, i've just wanted to be one for my whole life and am finding that god made me a woman to be one. sounds wierd i know... but really it's been good for me.

But now, more than before now, people are telling me that being a woman isn't enough. I really actually need to physically be different so that i can do the same spiritual things. I need to have different body parts, i need to have much more testosterone and i need to be able to be able to pee standing up if i'm ever gonna be accepted in the "church" I can't agree with that. I can't.

The conversation i had was... well probably not a conversation but more of an argument. I hate that. I think in ike my first post i talked aboutmy passion. i had a lot of passion in that whole conversation/argument/ discussion. I also had alot of saddness that came out in the form of slurred words, rapid speech and many many tears. ( i also threw my jamba juice in the trash sorta like when a five year old had a tantrum that's was super dumb) I ended up crying the whole way home too. Not like "bah i'm a baby" kind of crying but more like "i can't breathe so good" crying.

it's easy to have conversations with people who believe in you and believe with you. Believe with you meaning that they're kinda where you are in life. Maybe uncertain... maybe less "boxy"... maybe ready for change. i'm not sure. i do know i love and appreciate both people that believe with me and those that believe contrary to what i believe. Right now that means those that maybe dont believe" in" me. Slowly i'm understanding that the beauty of community comes from the diversity of beliefs and color and theology along with judgement and betrayal and love and goodness. As i struggle to learn how to live in community i know one thing. Grace and love must rule for it to happen and my passions sometimes need to be settled down as well as unleashed.

..holiness..

2005-06-10T23:58:00.000-07:00

tonight i went to a "worship" night. i put it in quotes cause i'm attempting to dissasociate the word worship with music.. i think i've become highly critical of almost anything anyone says. this i've come to realize is good and bad. good, cause then i dont just eat what's given to me... the whole test and approve thing. Bad, cause then no one ever says everything i believe to be true.

the guy tonight first talked about the commandment of being holy. He took one verse from leviticus and the same one out of 1 peter about being holy cause i am holy and spoke on it for a while. At the end of the first point he said that we sacrifice what we think is good for something greater. what we think is good... sin or girlfriend or boyfriend or xanga... and switch it for something better...the life of jesus. yeah i dug this point. i think he illustrated it well and everone was super into it. teling me it's worth it to give my life to jesus and let him make something great out of it... count me in.

point two, the condition of the commandment. lets just jump to isaiah 7:9 and get a little phrase out of it. Know what you're standing for. i dont remember so much what this point was about... oh wait. you can't be half holy. you can't so the here god i have you a little bit right now but not all of me kinda thing. i think i disagree with that. i think our life is a journey... and it's all about baby steps. so this one was a hard one to sit through. good illustrations though...

point three, the consequences of the commandment. where jesus says take up your cross and follow after me. The part where people will hate you. the part where we'll be persecuted because of what you believe. I believe this. I believe that our beliefs will be looked at as dumb and ridiculous and unnecessary. but i thought point one was about letting jesus making my "good" life way better than before. so this is where i became confused.

i'm done. i feel like i'm bashing this guy and it's totally not even necessary. this is to show you how it can be bad if i just sit and critique everything that comes my way. wait he contradicted myself, wait i dont believe that. i guess i need to find a balance. balance is a word that's getting used more and more in my vocabulary.

so... there's no point here anymore really. one day i'll have a deep thought for you all to chew on but for now, here's the random stuff you can chew on.

oh i had a couple of super great conversations tonight. with someone i told harsh realties to, to someone dealing with some harsh realities, and with my grandma. She was in the hopspital for a couple nights. Her heart is enlarged and beating funny. you can pray for her... i love her lots. night everyone.

pants

2005-06-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

it's been amazing to me how much movies effect me. I saw Hotel Rwanda and i didn't want to be american anymore. I saw crash and i wanted paint everyone the same color so hate would be less severe. I saw mean girls and i wanted to go and make peace in every high school reminding girls that beauty is more about your insides than your outsides. I've watched Blue Planet (documentary on ocean life) and i wanna move to the carribean and scuba dive every day of my life. Recently... well, earlier today... i watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. This movie made me want to do a couple things.
1. buy a pair of pants that fit me well. It seems like an impossible task in my world. even with the endless variety of jean selection, i can't seem to find pants that will fit me all day long. By the end of the day, they get stretched out and ends up looking like they're carring a load of poop. I dont like it. The pair of pants in the movie fit four girls... and it fit them perfectly. I just am asking to find a pair that fit one girl kinda good. it it really too much to ask?
2. it makes me wanna run away. Now this incling has been deep in my bones for years now. I go plenty of places during the summer. even this summer i'm traveling a bunch, but it's not the same. i'm not sure what it is. i know it's a movie so it will nver be the same. but one girl is in greece. Do you know how beautiful it is in greece? oh man. and another girl is in mexico. not TJ mexico but beautiful by the beach mexico. both of the places seem so magical. no hate. no pain. perfect weather. beautiful people (outside). newly found summer love. adventures with very little risk. so safe. so "ideal" but so not real.

i guess i want what can never be. i dont want it forever. i just want it for a little while. can you imagine a place with no sadness. more love and understanding than hate and anger. every problem solved in the matter of two hours. lots of truth covered by lots of editing. i have mixed feelings now that i wrote it all out. i still want the pants... but i also love the struggle of life. maybe i just need to take my struggles to a different country... yeah that would be perfect. i think i'm gonna go watch harry potter now. i know that's all really fake so maybe i wont want to do anything after it.

shower

2005-06-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

it's summer... i have less to do. today is catch up day. I went to breakfast with my brother and mom.. going to see sisterhood of the traveling pants in 30 minutes... probably will do some shopping with the mom. i have six girls i want to try and call today. i haven't hung out with a friend that moved home from down south... i think we planned on today being that day. i just did some laundry. i have four other loads to do. i need to take mean girls back to blockbuster. i have to make sure we have enough counselors for camp. ... i need to go return a book and movie to a friend.
good thing i dont have much to do on my day off... good thing i have days like this in my life, or else i'd never catch up on anything. i also took a shower today... i haven't taken one since friday... i feel much better now thank you. ha. sorry it's such a boring post. this is my life.

influence

2005-06-02T01:41:00.000-07:00

tonight i realized i have influence. Not cause i saw it... i see it sometimes and i realize it then but that didn't happen tonight. Not cause i read in the bible how paul tells people to do like he does... follow his example who follows christ' example and that i should have people following me as i follow christ's example. Not because i'm a high school leader and i realize that my desire is that my life will influence people and maybe, just maybe it does. No, i realize i have influence because someone told me. someone who i love and admire told me she respects me and that i have influenced her life. Not only that but "Christina do you know how many girls look up to you?" i said maybe three. she shook her head.

i'm not very confident about myself or any of my abilities or talents. I know i'm able to do good things but never good enough. i know that i'm gifted only by the grace of god. I know that i 'm lacking in ability to accept a compliment. i do the " ahhh ya know whatever" thing. I know that god created us to do great things... myself included.

i had a good conversation with a friend a few months ago. He was wondering how anyone ever lives up to the standards that people place on you. i think i first said i dont know cause i didn't. I didn't know cause i've never felt like i've been in a position to be of any type of large influence or even in a position where someone's standards would exceed my abilities. Later i think i might have said something about just being you. Just be.

so tonight i'm troubled. I dont think i'll sleep so great tonight. Just be. I mean it should be simple right? am i simplifying too much? Do i live for people or for god? am i all things to all people? Just be. i dont think it's so simple.

good day

2005-05-31T13:46:00.000-07:00

i can't blieve it. I got an A in my anatomy class. Do you know how excting that is? seriously exciting. so exciting i can't contain myself. I screamed when i saw the grade... my brother asked if i wanted some wine to celebrate... it' 1:47 in the afternoon... i said yes but wont really. well i thought you should know how sweet it is to get a good grade in the hardest class i've ever taken. it's super sweet. ahhh tuesday, it's a good day.

brakes.

2005-05-30T20:54:00.000-07:00

my brakes squeek in my car. it's a high pitched sorta thing. real faint with the windows up. doesn't exist when you have the radio on. I shoud probaby fix it... but i'm broke. that was kinda like a sidenote i guess. My life is comming to a halt. Everything is winding down. School is over as of thursday. Wednesday night was my last teaching night. joel, the new guy comes in on ... i think today. so the two things that have dominated my life recently are now over. I'm not really sure what to do with myself. I have much to struggle with and discover. Much to read and appreciate. People to be with and converse with. I'm still learning this art of conversation. my passion runs deep and when it cuts to my heart is when i get mself in trouble.
i was in the car, the squeeky brake car, with an old friend on sunday. She made a remark about how being a lesbian is "ewww sick!" I asked why she said that. She said cause homosexuality is a sin and it's sick. i got a bit defensive. She said "So what's the deal? are you into gays now?" i replied yeah. i respect the desision they've made. I desire to honor and accept them not as "sick" but as people. Yeah i'm "into" them if it means that i love them. I started preaching to her about how the mindset she has is why gay people dont feel welcome at church. I told her about the damage we've done to people who have made a desicison that's not something that the general christian community would choose. She said i was preaching to the choir but i'm not convinced the choir understands. I'm not even convinced that i fully understand. i dont even know where to start. so many thoughts that happened in the midst of our conversation that i would have to take a day to write out, so i wont. i'll just ask that for one day i would love blindly. That for one day you would challenge yourself to not see any color or prejudice or stereotype. I'm becoming more convinced that love has huge risks that people are scared of. My life is coming to a halt so i think i'll find a new job description. Maybe i'll just love people. yeah i like that

risky

2005-05-25T00:07:00.000-07:00

so no one has found me on here... which i think is hilarious. I talked to jodi about it... but i dont think she's looked for me or read anything i've written. The whole idea of this thing is to network right? who am i networking with if no one has found me. I think this is how i live my life nowadays... waiting for someone to find me. Never really putting myself out there and jumping into the uncomfortable... rejecting people but never really being rejected, cause i never take the risk. Maybe that's why communities are so hard to form... maybe i'm just waiting for rejection again. Rejection from my brothers cause i'm not good enough or i'm "too good". Rejection from friends cause i'm not really sure how to stand up for myslef, so instead i get trampled on. The best friends i have... well i've showed them the kindness that been shown.. rejection.
But then there's acceptance. Oh how good it feels to be accepted and loved. How good it feels to be important in someone's eyes, mind, heart. Just a simple friend. You know it... you know it when you read a super sweet letter from a friend, or see a simple smile on someone's face... or just know it. so mabe i'll tell someone about this secret journal i've been hiding. Maybe i need to be less scared of rejection and more willing to accept the pain and love the struggle. maybe i need to go study for my final. yay...

2005-05-23T23:09:00.000-07:00

so i have finals this week. I really only have one i care about and one... well i just am not very concerned with. I should be, but i'm not. I dont know what it's on really.... i just know i HAVE to take it. I'm so overwhelmed with this whole school thing. i know i really should know all 27 different hormones your body produces and where they come from and what they do and what happens if you have too much of one of them.... i mean i'm sure it'll help me somewhere... i guess i'm just not sure where. The sucky thing is that i dont even really know this stuff. I'm kinda just jamming it in my brain so i can regurgitate it on thursday at 12 noon. And i guess knowing all about mitosis and meiosis and the difference and what happens for spermatogenesis to occour and how women ovulate and what prophase the oocyte is in during each day of the month is important and all... but geez. I think life will go on if i dont know every detail of this stuff.
I'm gonna be a nurse one day. but my mom is a nurse and she doesn't know all this stuff. right now it's just stuff to me. Before it was the wonders of God's magnificent creation.... i need to get back to that point cause that was less angry.
oh yeah and i have 711 points... a 89% that means i can only miss 11 points on my final final (to still get an A)... out of 200. yeah wish me good luck. Kinda freaking out here.

blog fear... kinda like stage fright when you wanna pee

2005-05-23T00:19:00.000-07:00

this whole blogging thing makes me nervous. I wasn't super good in english class. actually aurora, one of my girls, corrects my english about five times a day. So now writing down thoughts in incomplete english just makes me sound illegitimate. does that even make sense? I never punctualize and i dont know how to spell. my thoughts aren't super deep and everything i'm thinking of saying has already been said, blogged about or typed before. so i'm embarrased. i think i'll get over it. It's just the initial reading of the blogs that scares me. maybe just the comparison game... Oh yeah and everytime i write anything, peter makes fun of me. oh well ...here i go. More honesty on an impersonal computer than face to face. how does that match up with scripture? yeah... wierd

hearing

2005-05-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

i'm not very good at having conversations. i like to talk. I'm not good at hearing. I guess i should clarify. I'm passionate. Not about everything. But about a lot. So when i'm passionate i dont hear. i mean i have stuff to say. and it's important. But it should never be more important than what the other person has to say. Why do i act like it is then? Am i trained to be all about me and what i have to say? submissive, serving, honoring, loving. I think hearing shows people love. I haven't been very loving today.
So love someone.... and hear them.

ahhh a brand new blog

2005-05-19T15:59:00.000-07:00

this is a good place to start. xanga was kinda weak. so here i go. not many thoughts just yet. Bible study in a few hours. We're talking about why Jesus came to earth. Not why we think Jesus came to earth. but why jesus said he came to earth. to bring the kingdom on earth? to save people? to do his father's will? to keep people out of hell? to create a lifestyle worth repeating? yeah we'll talk about it and i'll let you know. i'm pretty sure it wasn't just to keep people out of hell... but why then are there people hanging out at corners yelling that that's why? very curious